Oh, My, God!
by annie.of.belle
Summary: oh my god is said for many reasons. oh my god, Valduggery Style.
1. Funnybones and Ellie

Skulduggery looked at them the dogs.

_Don't you dare try a thing, or I will be on to you like a newspaper to a fly._

"C'mon, Skul." Valkyrie whined. "_Please _can I keep them? Please, please, _please._ Look at them. They're adorable! We have to keep them." Valkyrie used her cute face.

"That face is getting you nowhere, Valkyrie." She tried a pout, and it looked so goddamned sexy on her. _Bad thoughts, Skulduggery. Bad thoughts._

"Look, its just – we have a bad history. They want to put me six feet under, so I try to… diassociate… myself from them."

He looked down. "See what I mean?"

His thigh-bone was missing.

The blonde dog dutifully carried his new prize to his mistress.

"oh, that's so sweet of you, Funnybones!"

_Oh, My, God!_ Skulduggery thought

"Funnybones? You named it Funnybones?"

She looked at me sheepishly "Yep, and she," she pointed at the patched one, "is Elemental. Ellie for short."

_Sigh._

**LOLZ XD!!! **


	2. Valkyrie Needs Help

_Skulduggery… I have to stop thinking about him!_

Stephanie was lying in bed, listening to Numb by Linkin Park. Over. And Over. And Over again.

All I want to do is be more like me and be less like you. . . . . . . .Can't you see that you're smothering me, holding to tightly, afraid to lose control. . . . . _Not an inspiring love song. . . _

She switched to Jason Mraz' I'm Yours. . . .Well' a you done done me an' you bet I felt it, I tried to be chill, but you so hot that I melted, I fell right through the cracks, now I'm tryin' ta get back. . . ._Not helping._

_How about. . ..So What (P!nk). . . . _I guess I just lost my Hus-band, I don't know where he went, so I'm gonna drink my money, I'm not gonna pay his rent. . . ._Definitely not. . . ._

_Hmm…Dammit, by Blink182? . . . _Its alright, to tell me, what you think, about me. I won't try, to argue, or hold it against you. . . ._No._

She gave up, and looked up at the ceiling … her mind wandered…

_We never did look in the box to see what was in it…_

Stephanie grabbed the top book on the pile of her Birthday Books – Twilight. Steph had never heard of this one – well, the reflection had heard about it.

She was fine, and had completely forgot about everything, until Bella – the main character – first saw Edward – a handsome vampire. She kept reading quickly, trying to skip through the romantic bits. In ten minutes she had finished the book, and realised that she had skipped through so much that she didn't even understand what the storyline was. The next book was Artemis Fowl ; The Time Paradox. She had wanted this for soo long… It was great. Not soppy, not romantic, until. . . the Kiss. She threw the book to the ground, not in anger, but because that was what her hormones told her to do.

_Oh my God, I need serious help_

**Good, Bad, Ugly, TELL ME IN A REVIEW!!!!!**

**PLEASE!!!!!!**

**Thanx 4 reading,**

**Stargirl844**


	3. Stickytape

**Stickytape**

"Shush, Tanith!" Valkyrie giggled. "If he wakes up, we're dead meat!"

"Sorry, sorry! But it's such a good practical joke!"

"Yep. Just keep in mind - it was all your idea if he asks!"

"Ha. Yeah right," she scoffed. "It was your idea and you can take full credit."

"Whatever, I'm too adorable. He won't kill me." Then, as an afterthought, she added, "I hope," and grimaced.

"Just hurry up!"

"Okay, okay."

She held the stickytape out for Tanith to unwind. "Quick quick _quick_, Tanith!"

"Okay, then. Here we go." She ripped off a piece of the see-through tape, and applied it to the sleeping skeleton's finger joint. Valkyrie helped her out, both girls making sure that he would not be able to move his fingers. They then sticky taped over where his eyelids would be, so he had a clear layer of sticky tape covering his eye sockets. They taped over his teeth and around his nose, his rib-bones were taped together, and one of his toe bones was taped and, as Tanith put it, where the sun don't shine.

"Lets' get out of here!"

"Okay, okay, go!"

They ran, giggling, downstairs where Fletcher was watching the teletubies. "What are you guys doing?" he asked.

"Nothing!" They said in their sweetest voices.

They all heard the sound of bones creaking ominously, and then, dead silence.

_Oh.__ Shit. _They both thought.

"Valkyrie. Tanith. Fletcher. Get up here _now_!"

Val and Tanith looked at each other, and then at Fletcher.

"It's been nice knowing you, Fletcher." Tanith said solemnly.

"I'd say the same," Val continued, "But, well, it wasn't. Bye!"

And they ran.

Fletcher watched them run, and saw the sticky-taped skeleton walking down the stairs.

_Oh, my God._


	4. The Box

The solicitors office was pretty much the same as any other solicitors office; air-conditioned, clean, and a jar of butter-menthols on the receptionists desk. Stephanie took one and went to sit down with her parents.

They sat there a while, but eventually Mr. Fedgewick called her name.

"Well, well. Stephanie. It would appear that your uncle left you many things. Most of them you know about. The royalties, his house, et cetera. But there was one thing that you were not told about."

"What's that?"

"Err, well, the thing is, I don't exactly know. Well, it is here, we have it, but it is in a box, and the box it duct taped."

"Oh, Right." Valkyrie said, feeling suspicious.

"Well, here you go, everything that you now own. Could you just sign here, and here, and your parents can sign here…"

"So, we have an un-marked – though thoroughly duct-taped – box, with strong magical protection, no clue as to what is in it, given to you by a dead uncle, who did not even say he was going to give it to you." He paused. "And you want to just… open it?"

"Pretty much." She confirmed, nodding. "What else should I do with it?"

"Hmm. Yes, well, OK."

"Really?" She asked, surprised.

"Well, as you say – what else would you do with it?"

"OK then. So. Next problem -"

"I resent being called a problem."

"But you are one. Moving on. Howexactly do I open it? I mean – duct tape? Easy. Magical protection? I'm not so good at."

"Well, maybe it is spelled to you. Or your DNA. Either, or. So all you have to do is touch it."

"And how do we know that it won't kill me?"

"We don't"

"Nice to know you care. Really."

"Hmm. Well, I will admit that there are some holes to the plan…"

"Some?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, only one. Technically."

"Oh, my, God – How do I talk to you on a regular basis without going crazy?" She asked, mainly just talking to herself.

"Well… research?"

"I don't think research helps dealing with you. You're sort of one-of-a-kind"

"Well, thank you, but I was actually talking about the box."

Valkyire pushed her eyebrow even further. "How do you research if Gordon left me a box or not?"

"I don't know… notes or something."

Valkyrie thought about this. "Sure." She said, sighing. "Research."

**Okay, I'm just gonna leave it there… yeh. That's right. Cause I said so. Anyway… a few things : yes, there have been minimum updates. I know. if you seriously care that I haven't updated in a while… that Is very kind of you. Although, there are much better authors to follow. Seriously.**

**Anyway, getting back to the minimum-updates… well. Jones. Ianto Jones. From TORCHWOOD!!! **

**One night, I turned on the tv, and it was some show called torchwood. **_**Whatever, I'll watch it. **_**I think. If tere are any TW fans out there, it was CoE Day4. First ever episode. OMG! So yeah.. then I figured out that every single episode is on youtube.. so … my fanfiction time has been taken up by youtube. Anyway.. I recommend torchwood!**

**Thanks for all the reviews recently, it makes me feel loved :)**

**~Annie :P**


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